Just to avoid any confusion, let me first get this out of the way, Cage of Evil is not in fact a movie in which multiple evil Nicolas Cage clones enter a steel cage and fight each other to the death ("Eight Cages enter; one Cage leaves...the cage"). That movie exists only in my brain.
No this disappointingly Cage-free movie tells the story of cop Scott Harper, a man who turns crooked on account of he's got the hots for a heist leader's moll. So he and the gal make plans to snatch the sap's stolen diamonds and turn rabbit. Where the title comes from I've got no fucking clue.
By the way, how does Inspector Melrose, Scott's chief—and Cage of Evil's speaking-as-if-doing-play-by-play-on-the-world's-dullest-watching-paint-dry-competition-show narrator—feel about the man's exploits? Well, after Scott gets his ass lit up down Mexico way (Spoiler Alert: that's the ending and stuff), and then uses his last ounce of criminal strength to reach for the out-of-reach diamonds that fell from his criminal pocket...
Melrose states, "That's the way Scott Harper died, his hand reaching out for something he could never have, something he wasn't meant to have. I wish he could have known that...before it was too late."
So yeah, kids, the next time you think it's cool to mock your sworn duty to the badge by getting mixed up with some crazy, crooked dame just so you can make some scratch and flee to Mexico with her, just remember: you'll get shot by Mexican customs officers. So yeah, say no to doing all that. By the way, Cage of Evil, subtlety called, it wants its nothing back.
So, no review here; just random brain farts.
Dave's Rating:
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