My Other Favorite Movie of the Decade: The Room (2003)

dir. Tommy Wiseau


"You are tearing me apart, Lisa."
-Johnny

The best times I have had at the movie film theater this decade have been at midnight screenings of Tommy Wiseau's important landmark in ineptitude. Drinking at the movie theater is awesome. As is throwing spoons at the screen. I also like yelling shit while watching a movie. Why can't all movie going be like this?

Johnny is being betrayed by his best friend, who is sleeping with his girlfriend. He likes to throw a football with his friends. Drinking scotchka results in bad consequences. Why can't Johnny not end it all? He should have used his gun to scare the bookie attacking Denny.

Tommy Wiseau is a genius.

I need to make a movie like this.

I need to do a lot of things.

I need to stop taking the bus when going home to Maine for the holidays. Yes, it's a lot cheaper, but the emotional toll is far greater than the money spent taking the plane. No screaming babies on the bus this time, but still plenty of dope-fiends and parolees. Mostly though, it's just a huge waste of time. Time like this I could be spending reading or something. I can't ever concentrate enough to read while taking the bus. I don't know why. I'm also never able to sleep on the bus.

I haven't read any books in a while come to think of it. David Sedaris' latest book has been in my bag for quite some time. When operating on such little sleep as I do, though, I'd rather sleep when taking the train to work. I don't have time to read. Maybe I just don't care for Sedaris' newest book that much. It's ok so far, but he's clearly already used up his best stories in previous books.

Not that I would have any stories as interesting as Sedaris has. I did see a hobo masturbate on the train one time. That's as far as exciting stories go as far as my life is concerned. At least the hobo was being tasteful about pounding off. He was doing it under his sweat pants. I guess you can't get arrested so long as you don't cum on anybody.

[I am aware of how shitty this write-up is. I have no doubt, however, that I put more time, effort, and care into puking this out than Mr. Wiseau did in movie directing his The Room. This review was actually something of an experiment. I wanted to see what would happen if I did a stream of consciousness type of thing, without changing a goddamn word I entered (no fixing errors or nothing). This was the result. You read it; you can't unread it.]

[Honestly, the real reason I wrote this was so that I could post Patton Oswalt's awesomeatastical parody:]


[The trailer:]


Dave's Rating: